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Saturday, 27 March 2010

Me Me Me...

ImAgE: The Sirens Song

ArTiST aS beFoRE: copyright TheNebulousKingdom's wonderful mermaid, Anne-Julie Aubry

So the past rose up to meet me and something I've been longing for, and dreading, for a few years now has crept up to engulf the toes that I've been dandling in the babbling and burbling stream of life since my father's death...

After my Mutti died. Almost two years had passed. His work colleagues, friends really, arranged a blind date for him with a lady who ran a private drinking club in his town...

He fell for her. And she him. Well, who wouldn't?

After a time they moved in together. She kept her old flat which had been her mother's. She sold her club, which had been making big losses for a long time. Her adult children, who were older than me, were very funny about things. They've never been MY family... I've never felt like one of them...
They thought he was after her money. My father was a far more wonderful man than that, to stoop so low... In fact I know he was putting his money in to her club. I know that he continued to support her heavily, as any loving partner would...

They took holidays together. She re-modelled the house. He bought her a car. He never took his driver's test, so all his life he had the pleasure of women driving him about! In time the family softened. My friends wondered how I could be so understanding about all of this, after my Mutti's traumatic and early death.

And I chanted my mantra, "This is his life. If he's happy, I'm happy." This concerned his happiness, his sometimes fickle fate. I couldn't be awful to him. I wouldn't...

She continued to niggle away, particularly at me... She'd been bombed in Plymouth as a child in in war-time. Somehow I was responsible, as I'd studied German (and French, and English Literature for Goddess Wiki's sake!), at University.
She even had the nerve to gift me a postcard of the bombed city. I've seen the same postcards of Dresden. She continued to rant. Our politics were wholly opposed. She'd stood as a councillor for that party. And lost her deposit. She'd been a well-off business-woman and I don't think she ever really recovered from stepping down from that, from losing what she felt she'd once had.

She continued to complain. ...My son (my father's only grand-child...) was 'setting himself above her large clutch of grand-children by having the nerve to call his beloved grand-father the special name, the different name, that he'd always called his grandfathers' from the moment he began to speak...

I continued to endure her god-awful behaviour for seven years. I bit my tongue. I still have those scars... She began to avoid me in time, and I got to spend some quality time with my dad once again. Rarely.
I loved my father until earth's end, as far as the heavens and back.
I tolerated his "wife". More of that laters, mes bloggy amis... Merci for listening to me splurging this out in this safe space. I am in need of this outlet at present. Merci mille.

14 comments:

Baroness Bijoutery said...

I am so sad that you had to endure all you did from that woman...But you showed a great heart because of the love for your Father...What a wonderful Daughter...Some of the things you said reminded me of my mother and how hateful she was to me...I finally realized when I had my first child that Mom was a very unhappy woman and needed to make someone else just as unhappy...I really felt sorry for her because she missed out on a great relationship with her daughter...You a so strong and I will always remember this post...Have a good weekend..Be Happy...

Derrick said...

Hi Fhina,

Getting things off one's chest can be cathartic. It is sad that many relationships seem to set families apart.

石潔 said...

thank for share, it is very important . ̄︿ ̄..................................................

slommler said...

I feel your heavy heart and I send you a gentle hug. I know this place well. It is not a good place to be but one you had no control over. My MIL was hateful to me for over 30 years. I bit my tongue too and tried to remain civil for the sake of her son, my husband. Now, at age 90, she has softened and considers me of importance and worthy. And the stars are still in the sky and the moon still gives it's haunting light. Sigh!
Hugs
SueAnn

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Award for you over at mine!

French Fancy said...

Let it all out on here, we're good listeners.

xx

The Dotterel said...

Indeed we are... keep talking.

Flight Fancy said...

just sending comfort and a hug!

Jan said...

I see where you're coming from Fhina my love here's a (((((hug))))) to you and your lovely boy , but I can also see that she's a sad woman who was probably very jealous of the special relationship that you - another woman had with 'her man' way before she came along - I'm not condoning her attitude , just saying I know how it probably happened

Jingle said...

wow, you amaze me,
outstanding post!

Moannie said...

Beautifully written, your prose is spare your editorial decisions generous and the whole piece is movingly graphic.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Life is never simple and I have no answers, even at 70. Hopefully time will solve the problem.

Helen said...

Do feel for you - I, too, have a special relationship with my Dad and could not bear to be deprived of his companionship and gentle presence in my life. You have been generous and understanding through your love for him...

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