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Thursday, 29 July 2010

Confessions of a Lifelong Worrit...


Last week, while I was on my hollingberries, came the news that 'they' intended to close down my office... All of our offices across the country.

London has already fallen...

And I knew it was coming. While others of my colleagues were doing their best ostrich impressions... Hoping against hope that something would happen to avert the unstoppable...

We are to be the first of many to fall in this new 'slash and burn' regime of ours...

Stand by your beds!

I really don't know what's going to happen.

I have skills and talents. I am sure of it. I have loads of experience. I'm a graduate. (Twenty-five plus years ago, so what does that count now?

(Sometimes) I am a confident person...

Much of the time, I'm a bundle of firing neuroses. Like a podgy swan on the outside.

Smooth running.

On the inside, wobbling pink blancmange!

Particularly now as I approach the menopause, I guess...

I'm a little more anxious than usual...

I'm turning into quite the worrit.

Worry beads were made for the likes of me.

And industrial strength St. John's Wort.

I know redundancy, redeployment and removal never come at the right time for the majority of people... I am on the early side of my fifties.

Is that a good or a bad thing, I wonder...

Maybe there's something ahead of me that I'll enjoy more than what I've got up to in latter years...

But I'm honestly worried about how to make ends meet; Seeing my son through college and being able to afford his upkeep over the next three years, perhaps more, of study; Even whether we shall be able to keep up with the payments to hold a roof over our heads...

Money worries plague me. We can't really down-size, as we down-sized in house size, but up to a higher mortgage, to move to our country home...

In the Eighties, we 'got on our bikes' as darling Norman Tebbit advocated, and moved south to find work... I really don't see why I should have to do that again at this time of my life, given that we've moved about so much previously for work... Do you understand that, I promise I'm not just being obtuse... stubborn.

I'm generally a pretty risk-averse person.

My husband's fledgling business ideas terrify me.

I want to be safe, staid and stay-at-home.

I wanted to segue through these years in relative comfort, for us...

We're not well off.

We're not church-mouse poor.

We were okay.

And now we might not be.

And part of me needs to process that. To re-adjust. To mull it over... To decide that now is the time I need, finally, to grow up and decide what it is I want to do...

Should I cling on to the raft that is breaking up around me, its pieces floating like jetsam on the choppy waves?

Or should I break for the shore, through uncharted waters that I might not be fit, pretty or clever enough, to battle my way through?

Any advice on that, mes bloggy troubadors??!

Too much information, I know...

I am most sorry.

Forgive my ramblings.

10 comments:

Gigi said...

Oh no! I'm sure I could say plenty if I weren't tapping this out on the phone-but I am-so it will be short. We are going through the exact same thing-so I feel your pain. Be hopeful. That is the only advice I can give at this point. One door closes so another can open. Etc. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers though-I promise.

Mrs Jones said...

Yep, same here. The Lovely Husband does contract work in the IT sector and things might be looking a little tenuous. We can manage a few months, though, before I have to start pounding the streets looking for a job. Sadly, the only thing that I would be able to make reasonable money at would be secretarial/admin which I did for over 20 years and vowed never to do again. Oh well, c'est la vie...

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

A scary and confusing time for you :(

I found reading Gail Sheehy's book Passages helpful... maybe to see this as a chance to explore what you want to do for the next 20 years....as just another chance to take all your skills and channel them in to a sidestep. It helped when I changed career!
http://www.gailsheehy.com/passages.php

Moannie said...

This is a terrible time for all of us. We're ok, we've no money but have been there done that and now we are old and have few needs. I feel for all who have lost so much-those whose pensions vanished, those whose jobs ended leaving them still young enough to work but in a young market where they are considered too old.

It is filthy medicine, but the price to be paid for the profligacy of Governments past and present.

Z said...

It's the next three years, isn't it, while you are still supporting your son, that's the big problem. I'm so sorry. I do think that a lot of companies value older people more than they used to. My sister was head-hunted last year at the age of 61 - she decided against taking on a new job in the end, but was very flattered. I really don't think your age will count against you, and your experience will work in your favour,

A Mom on Spin said...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I have no great advice except to say that you'll instinctively know the right thing to do. . .

slommler said...

Ramble away sweetie...you have a lot to mull over!! I say don't hang on to the pieces...see what options are out there for you. You are smart and witty and wise. The best is yet to come!!!
Hugging you
SueAnn

carma said...

You are a lot more clever than you realize and also extremely creative. Do some deep breathing. You can do it. Change always freaks me out too, amongst all the other things I worry about non-stop!! So maybe I'm not the best one to give advice...

Derrick said...

Ah Fhina, many of us will be battening down the hatches ere long! BUT you DO have tremendous skills, experience and vision! Use this opportunity to make life even more rewarding for YOU!

Jan said...

(((((hugs)))))))Fhina. I know exactly what you mean - I'm temping precariously in a government job at the moment . My team assures me they'd love to have me as permanent staff but as there's a recruitment freeze on, I can't afford to hold my breath

Something I wrote earlier...

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