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Monday, 7 February 2011

Discombobulated...


They say a week is a long time in politics...

It feels like I've been living through some long weeks of late.

I know I'm not the only one, as that's what others have been saying all around me since the start of the year.

How about you?

I said on Friday that I was knackered - In other words, cream-crackered, tired out, plum tuckered, shattered, drained, emotionally exhausted.

...I think it's because I'm finding the process of leaving one job this month, while trying since October to make myself indispensable in another post; At the same time, I'm attempting to write bids for the funding of said post, while also aiming to keep my new and very dear colleagues afloat; All this whilst undergoing training as a therapeutic counsellor, having to find a voluntary placement in a GP Surgery as a trainee counsellor, whilst simultaneously completing all the due assignments of said coursework correctly.

All of this is doing my head clean in.

...This, and starting Group Therapy, as a further requirement of the course, while undergoing supervision of my clinical practice with clients, obviously, and waiting to be matched to a suitable supervisor.

I didn't say I was complaining, did I?

And yet sometimes I get to feeling as if a wheel is coming off the wagon...

For me, it's probably down to having to open out the very core of myself to others, after sitting with it hidden safely away, as if inside the furled petals of a particularly recalcitrant flower.

The requirement to expose what has kept you going for so long, that which you have coped with, suppressed, stifled, quietened - Revealing to others the strategies and ruses that have kept me together for 47 years on this planet...

Rightly, or wrongly, it's difficult and discombobulating...

And being knackered is also about worrying whether I am going to be able to put all the pieces back together again, so I can be 'Adult' enough to offer therapy to other folk in need, when I do succeed in obtaining a blinkin' placement at a doctor's surgery!

Does anyone know of anywhere that might take a trainee counsellor - Nice smiles, only slightly used, dinted and sullied. One careful owner?!

7 comments:

Gigi said...

I know therapy is truly needed (especially by me!) but that's what makes me avoid it - the sharing of my deepest & darkest.

Many hugs to you as it seems as though life is pretty overwhelming at the moment.

Expat mum said...

My sis had to do all this and found it exhausting. I'm going to send you her e-mail info as she might be able to help with the placements, although she was saying only today that they are fewer and fewer (as well as jobs) in the field.

Kaleidoscope Januarie said...

Good luck! :)

slommler said...

Wish I could be of more help!! All I can say is good luck!! And try to remember to take good care of yourself!
Hugs
SueAnn

Z said...

When you're going through a difficult time it can be dealt with easier by coping as you go and not talking or thinking about feelings, especially the ones you normally keep hidden away. Although it's poor timing, I'm sure it will help you in the long run though - having been very buttoned-up, I now am able to work things out for myself and also don't feel I have to put on a brave face which, paradoxically, can make it easier for me to do so. I didn't 'open out' in the context of group therapy mind you - I think I'd have found that quite difficult. Soul-baring to schedule does seem an artificial arrangement. Best wishes, it will get better and, looking back, you'll see how much you can do and be the stronger for it in future.
But do be kind to yourself and grab any little moment of enjoyment that you can. You probably feel you can't relax much as the pain of starting again isn't worth the pleasure of letting go, so little things really matter.
I've put this really badly, hope you can grasp what I'm trying to say.

Suldog said...

Revelation - whether your own, or someone else's aimed at you - is always a bit painful, and tiring. Keep your chin up! And get some good nights of sleep, as able!

Jan said...

Have faith lovely Fhina - I know you can do it - I can feel it in my water !!!!!
((((((hugs)))))))) and strength.

Something I wrote earlier...

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