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Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Memo from The Chairman's Desk!

Yesterday I was set a virtually impossible Meme by the charming and erudite Photobucket Chairman Bill, otherwise known as Badger, or Bodger, or something fairly similar by his intelligent, gorgeous and enchanting missus, Hay...

I actually started to follow The Chairman's blog a few years ago - Perhaps he will be able to say when exactly he began, for once again, long nets of white cloud my memory!

Photobucket The Chairman started out as a bit of an 'urban myth'. He was trying at the time to sell a beautiful converted Dutch barge on Photobucket - (He still is, that is, trying to sell the lovely boat, but no longer on ebay...) I must add, "Other online auction sites are available..."


He had taken out a sales advert and, as prospective punters asked him a variety of questions, he began to ramble, extremely intelligently, on life, science, the universe and all sorts of diverse and fascinating things... much in the manner of this tome, The Hitchhikers Guide Pictures, Images and Photos It was all 'enormousely' entertaining, fabulously witty, and became a thing of legend...

Over time, Chairman Bill decided to move into the Blogging World proper, and there he continues to rant to a select and even worldwide audience of lurkers, on life's injustices, the world of advertising, and his life-moments to treasure; His writing is tinged with his own, (peculiar, in the best possible meaning of the word!) sense of humour, there are occasional whiffs of e-liquid and artificial cigars, rumours of fantabulous house-building to come and current caravan-living. AIRSTREAM Pictures, Images and Photos

SeaDog Pictures, Images and Photos The Chairman's blogs are ever tainted with his occasionally jaundiced but always wise experiences of life and you can sense traces of the salt of sea-breezes... for the Dutch were famously intrepid, ocean-going folk, as you know, and The Chairman is half Dutch after all!


Oftentimes I dare not even comment on Chairman Bill's blog, for he and many of his commenters are far cleverer peoples than me, and I am not up to the verbal sparring that takes place there... Photobucket

Bill began by proffering his answers to 20 of Monday's questions, and he has flung down this, Photobucket the ancient gauntlet of challenge as follows:

"Chairman Bill said...

Now I'll set you a task. Take the answers I gave and derive 20 totally different questions to which they are the answer... (Eeeeekkkk! For I did say he was as tricky and slippery as the proverbial eel, didn't I? Photobucket but I cannot resist a challenge...and yet know some day I will live to regret this...!)

Extra points for wit and humour.

Rgds/Chairman Bill

Chairman Bill's answers were as follows...

1. Osama Bin Laden
2. Pete Doherty
3. My ex
4. Stilton
5. Beef (rare)
6. Either - they're both dead
7. Kate Beckinsale
8. Candy Dulfer
9. e-liquid
10. Amsterdam
11. Indonesian restaurant
12. Decline to answer
13. Scotch
14. Johnny Depp - he's alive
15. Before the last lottery draw and buy a ticket
16. I'm the boss
17. Chairman Bill - thoughts
18. Arsehole
19. Spiders
20. e-cigar"

So here goes... Deep breath!

1. Who is the butt of the world's jokes and hatred? Here are some photo clues... bin laden Pictures, Images and Photos

Delete Osama Pictures, Images and Photos

Answer: Osama Bin Laden

2. Who is the most useless poet to have ever come out of Durham?

Photobucket Answer: Pete Doherty

3. Tell us, who and what was the Ginger Pot-Holer?

Answer: My ex! ginger Pictures, Images and Photos

4. What cheese would you never eat, even if your life depended on it?

puff Pictures, Images and Photos Answer: Stilton

5. "Where's the... Insert four letter word for cow product...

Beef! Whers\' the beef? Pictures, Images and Photos

6. This is a cop out of a question, but I've spent a humongous amount of time thinking of something better to say! So, please forgive me?

Who was the better racing driver, Paul Newman or Steve McQueen!

Paul Newman Racing Pictures, Images and Photos Steve McQueen at Sebring Pictures, Images and PhotosEither - they're both dead... Terrible, I know, and for the record, I loved Paul Newman, and his juices, and adore his wife's acting too!

7. Photobucket Who is Samantha Beckinsale's less talented, albeit more successful in Hollywood, actress half-sister:

kate beckinsale underworld Pictures, Images and Photos Answer: Kate Beckinsale

8. Who enjoyed elicit sax with the wonderful David A. Stewart Photobucket ( - I love him, even 'though he's from Sunderland, and a Mackem! -)

Candy Dulfer

9. What comes in 18 flavours, ranging from old favourites like regular tobacco to more exotic flavours such as Coconut and Liquorice, Apple, Jasmine and Chocolate?

Answer: e-liquid (which fuels the e-cigar - Go ask The Chairman, if you're curious, for he's the expert on such things, now that, according to Hay, he smells no longer like an old folks' home!)

Personally, I'd rather have chocolate, proper! chocolate Pictures, Images and Photos

10. Which city did I flee to one cold Duesseldorfer weekend in 1999, only to fall in love with the city, and want to take my family there many times?

Answer: Amsterdam Photobucket

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin! I was working briefly in Germany in 1999, and loving the experience, but one weekend I was accosted by a well-dressed and well-spoken beggar at the U-Bahn station, demanding money with menaces - When I told him no thankyou, he shouted out very loud, and in the best possible, polite, German, "Get back to your own country!" Ahem!

Shortly thereafter, I was commuting to work and waiting at the tram stop as usual, on a cold day when it was teeming with rain. One prospective passenger bustled past with his girlfriend who had her umbrella open. She must have caught another man with the tip of her umbrella, for an altercation ensued. Some violence broke out between the two, and the offending boyfriend was shoved with extreme force, sending him shuttling into me, which in turn sent me hurtling into a crowd of other people waiting for the tram. I was hurt, and shocked and confused, and no-one apologized to me or even acknowledged what was going on... I went that very evening after work to Duesseldorf train station, and booked a ticket to Amsterdam for the sake of my sanity. With mulled wine, and a variety of cheeses, apple pie and Dutch pancakes and the relaxed wit and wisdom of the Dutch people, I nursed myself back to returning to and loving Germany once again, but Amsterdam had stolen another piece of my heart!

11. Photobucket What kind of restaurant was this photo taken in?

Indonesian restaurant

12. What is the meaning of the Buddhist legend of the Three Wise Monkeys, who see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil? Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Pictures, Images and Photos

Answer: Decline to answer...

13. What is the nationality of Grizzler, my son?

Photobucket Answer: Scotch............; Seriously I know I am digging a hole for myself here: Photobucket

I could be boiled like a haggis with a thistle through my heart on Burns' Night, for saying that - I know of course, that the answer is Scottish, and scotch is in fact The Chairman's favourite tipple, because he said so... Photobucket

Never get the two things mixed up, for traditional kilt wearers in Scotland carry a scary black knife, the Sgien Dubh ([skiən dyː] "skee(a)n doo") Photobucket

Bow to goddess Wiki once more, folks: "The name comes from the Gaelic sgian dubh meaning "black knife", where "black" may refer to the usual colour of the handle of the knife. It is also suggested that "black" means secret, or hidden, as in the word blackmail. This is based on the stories and theories surrounding the knife's origin and the meaning of "Dubh" in Gaelic, in particular those associated with the Highland custom of depositing weapons at the entrance to a house prior to entering as a guest. Despite this practice, a small twin edged-dagger, ('Mattucashlass'), concealed under the armpit, combined with a smaller knife, ('Sgian dubh'), concealed in the hose or boot, would offer an element of defence or of surprise if employed in attack. An alternative theory is that the name is derived from the use of bog oak as a handle for the knife, with bog oak traditionally being a black colour". Phew! And back to the tricky Chairman's Question Time!

14. Question - Guess who has just been found under Fhina's (A Woman Of No Importance's) bed?


Answer: Johnny Depp - and he's alive

15. Where would you go if you were given a trip in HG Wells' Time Machine?

Before the last lottery draw and buy a ticket

16. What is this famous musician's favourite saying?
Bruce Springsteen Pictures, Images and Photos

Answer: I'm the boss

17. You might not know this, but a man who is worth over $50 billion was arrested, probably for traffic violations, in New Mexico in 1977. Who is he?

Answer: Chairman Bill - thoughts?

Bill Gates is currently Chairman and CEO of Microsoft, but is about to leave the corporate world to focus on his worldwide charitable foundations together with his wife...

BILL GATES Pictures, Images and Photos

You may also not know but in Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules - each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, 5 in the third.

They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity, such as this,

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams...

Speaking of Haiku, you might want to take part in a clever Haiku Kung Fu competition over on the Etsy eightyeight words site :

Up for grabs is a beautiful hand-made silver necklace adorned with the wonderful word, "Smitten." Fabulous!

18. elephant and castle Pictures, Images and Photos What does Elephant and Castle mean in Cockney rhyming slang?

Answer: Arsehole

19. What is nature's reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl inside?


Answer: Spiders

20. What does this man, and indeed, Chairman Bill, need most in his life to help him kick the evil weed?

e cigar Pictures, Images and Photos

Answer: e-cigar!

After this challenging Meme, you may be interested to know that:



jinksy said...

I guess you feel totally grilled, now you have answered all those less-than-erudite questions.
NB Grilling is much more healthy than frying, which, when all is said and done, is a poor alternative to boiling in oil - the deserved fate of all who write the questions in the first place.

jinksy said...

Another NB - the verification word was 'singshat'....
Just thought you'd like to know...
Am I singing? Guess!

Chairman Bill said...

Well, I never knew that was the question to answer 18. You live and learn.

Chairman Bill

Chairman Bill said...

Mine was 'unkstr'.

Michelle said...

Wow Fhina i am impressed!!! I totally love how you include all these funky and cool photos into your post!!!! Brilliant!!!

I learn a lot when i come here!!! Thank you for making me a smarter girlie!!!


Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...



Anonymous said...

that was friggin hilarious. I have no knowledge of Chairman Bill, but even still, I enjoyed that wild ride through the trappings of your mind. Thanks for the shout out, and for making me aware of your wonderful blog. Addin' you to the blogroll, sister.

French Fancy said...

Blimey Fhina, that took some doing. I love the comment about 'Paul Newman and his juices' - it sounds positively obscene.

I've never heard of this Chairman Bill

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Wat a fantastik post!!!!! Brillyent!!!!

I luvd that haiku an I dident kno that abowt the Elefant an Carsol. I shall file that an yewz it.


Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! I wish I would have found your blog ever so much earlier. BRAVO!


Thanks for your kind words to my blog!
Meredith Teagarden

Derrick said...

Fhina, you have excelled once again. Just answering the real questions would be bad enough!

Cynthia said...

I'm floored! What a lot of clever photo tie-ins- seriously, how do you have the will to continue past 10-whew!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

jinksy: Grilled like a pricked pork sausage, I will have you know! The Chairman knows how to set a challenge!

As for the verification word was 'singshat'.... Is that something to do with Bill Shatner (Capt. Kirk, as was) singing?! He's as mad as a box of frogs, bless 'im!

Chairman Bill: Gives a new meaning to 'I'm going up the Elephant & Castle, doesn't it?!

Michelle: Bless you, hon - I've learned quite a bit myself in Blogland!

Fat, frumpy and fifty: Saz, I am borrowing your older Room 101 to do something tomorrow, I hope that's okay? Take care, Fxxx

eighty8words: Welcome lovely creative spirit!

French Fancy: 'Paul Newman and his juices' - it does sound positively obscene, and I hadn't quite intended that, but I've never tried his dressing! Go see Chairman Bill - Clickie at top of post - read back through too, you will be surprised by what you learn!

B.T.Bear (esq.): Welcome Beary - I like your rambles and travels and lovely piccies!

Meredith Teagarden: Hang around any time, lovely Meredith! I wish I had found you sooner too, and you are gone too soon! Be blessed...

Derrick: You are always so kind, Sir!


Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking you're a tad mad taking on this meme - but I'm soooooo loving your humour. Thanks.

Amsterdam the city of tolerence, my kind of city - plus they pour a very good glass of beer. TFX

Ann's Rants said...


You are the meme queen, hands down. Can we go hang out at that indonesian restaurant without my kids??

Thanks for your kind words on my blog. I so appreciate your readership, and clearly need to improve my own.


Diane said...

Too funny! By the way, Gerard Butler is under my bed... ;)

david mcmahon said...

Always plenty of food for thought here!

Dusty Spider said...

My first visit to your blog and WHAT a find! All power to you girl. Flick xx

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Cynthia - We clashed swords there, and I must have posted while you were commenting! How are you doing?

TOM FOOLERY: I may be a tad mad, yes, and a bit desperate, I'll admit! Glad you liked the challenging Meme from the Chairman!

As for beer in Amsterdam, I never touch the stuff - Or is it that it never touches the sides?! x

Ann's Rants: Stay as perfect as you are - Your blog is a daily treasure for me! As for the restaurant, the kids can play with the fish - no problem there...x

Diane: Is he still breathing, that's what I want to know? xox

david mcmahon: You are always very welcome, Sir! You write so many interesting and wide-reaching posts, I seem to never get caught up! So many wonderful blogs, so little time, it seems! Thank you!

Dusty Spider: Hello and welcome, and while I would not normally tolerate spiders at my portal, I have a very nice window open, it's quite mild out - If you could just step inside of this glass I'm holding! There we are ... Flick...! x

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Something I wrote earlier...

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