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Friday, 17 April 2009

Teen Mommy/Mummy Blogging and Some More Answers...

teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos

"Teens are terrorists who have moved into your home, and who are camping out (in hiding from the Security Services, of course) in an upstairs room you used to see the inside of once upon a time... Probably around the time their room was decorated with Thomas the Tank Engine, or Disney Princesses...

Teen Terrorists are secretive, surly, non-communicative, except with other teen terrorists; They eat you out of house and home, they subvert your funds for their activities, demand money with menaces, and are bigger and stronger than you, and then they sometimes behave as if you had never loved them, and then they move out!"

I left this comment over at the lovely Deb's at Dirty Socks and Pizza. I love Deb's take on life, and she is able to make professional quality film clips, where she tickles her audience's funny bones with her dry and deadpan delivery about the trauma of living with teen terrors, or terrorists, as I chose to term them...

And then another fabulous blogger, Harlene, who blogs here at We are all enlisted, made me snort elderflower cordial out of my nose, I was laughing so much, with this,

"Actually it helps a lot that I just look at the other Mom's with good kids and smile, "I'm not very good at this. Don't worry, yours will NEVER be like this."

I always think raising teens is a lot like trying to follow what the crap is going on on Lost!

The Teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos

Last weekend as I dropped my terrorist teen off at a party I actually found myself telling him and his friends," No drinking...anything, no smoking, no snorting, no needles, no making out, no having sex, no watching others make out or have sex, no taking off your clothes, no taking off anyone else's clothes, no watching anyone take off their clothes", I went on and on with everything I could think of. I closed with the remark, "If you miss 1 of my calls or texts I will show up within minutes NAKED with your FATHER NAKED! Am I clear!!!! We have now gone 8 days without police involvement!!!! YEAH!"

I want to kiss this woman, and I may be trying this tactic next time we drop off the errant Grizz at some party/sleepover or another... The man-child is turning into Paris Hilton, he parties so much - I swear! And surly, I should have made it his middle name...

cheezburger Pictures, Images and Photos

Raising Teen Terrorists is probably something none of us would expect to do... We do all the right things, read all the right-on parenting tomes that exist, we follow the midwives' and health visitor's advice as if it were scripture... We try not to do what our mothers did... We try to do other things that our mothers did, that worked with us... And ultimately, in raising Teen Terrorists we are alone, unutterably, scarily alone...

So, when Carma asked me the other day, "When in your life were you most happy", and I didn't answer, until I realised when I was sitting in front of my pc in the office, I wondered whether I was hiding something from myself... For I hadn't not answered it deliberately... I think it was a sub-conscious thing... A little like the deep grief I feel that my parents have gone... I don't want to focus too much on happiness, for fear that it will be ripped away from my suckling breast, mercilessly by some unseen and frightening hand of fate...

I was at my happiest when my baby son was safely delivered after a long and (proudly, but painfully), drugs-free natural birth... I was unprepared for the love that took a hold of the very core of my being, making me replete with a sense of my absolute purpose in life, what I had been put on this earth to do... And he has brought me such delight... His arrival in my life had not been wholly planned, but this Baby-Bump would be warmly welcomed...

And... Over the years, this love strengthened and grew, and I indeed felt like a fierce mama tiger; He was very much a part of me, and yet inexorably separate, individual. Very much Himself, in fact... Between my OH, GJ, and I, we do sometimes call him, Himself, or His Grizzship... Perhaps recognising our subservient presence in his life.

Nothing would ever keep me from this child of my womb. I was prepared to protect him up until my dying breath. His own sweet, milk-perfumed, breath and easy way gave me succour.

And then, not overnight, but in leaps and bounds, inch by inch, minute by moment, he became a Teen Terrorist.

Teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos

And tomorrow, I'm going to tell you, as Artist Unplugged asked - "What makes you angry?" For surely, this is the angel-companion question to Carma's tricky dicky one?

Allez, salut maintenant, mes sticky labels... Je vous adore -- Big kiss? Mwah!

Goddess Pictures, Images and Photos

26 comments:

Suldog said...

I was a total shit when I was a teen. I was (so I'm told) a perfect child, but then hormones happened, and... Anyway, I'm better now.

Diane said...

You know I call Ryan 'Herself', right? And, after reading this, Herself is likely to be shipped off for a loooooong 'holiday' to Auntie Fhina's house, right about the time she turns 13! You're an expert now... far better at it than I... and Herself deserves the best! xoxo

kapgaf said...

What with steps and a biological, I had at least one teenager (and often more) in my home just about non-stop from 1986 to 2008 (no typing mistake involved). Things that might work for one, never worked for another so the learning curve was steeper than Everest. Call me crazy (and many do!) but I wouldn't have missed it for anything and please don't imagine that I was always all sweetness and light because I was not : I am not, repeat not, a supermum.

Derrick said...

Hello Fhina,

I'm sure Grizz worships the ground you and GJ walk on - even in his darkest moments!

ladyfi said...

Now you're scaring me! ... My daughter will be 8 in a few months and she's already a little terrorist... as for my 6-yr-old.. well...

Artist Unplugged said...

I can still remember the moment that Mr. Unplugged and I were talking as we drove down the road, remember just where we were and I told him I know I want a baby, just not sure if I want a teenager. Decided to just go with the baby and worry about the teen later....thank goodness we can only live one day at a time. I can't complain though, my son and daughter have been had zilch trouble. Now the moods, attitude, etc. - loads o' fun! But compared to many, I've been extremely blessed, still keeping my fingers crossed though, VolleyGirl is just shy of 16. She's scared of everything though......

blognut said...

Wait a minute! Diane can't send you her daughter for the summer, because I already told you that I'm sending my son over in a FedEx crate this summer. Can you handle both of those chatty 9-year-olds, Fhina? You know they're betrothed, right?

Anyway, I love what you say here about your son. I really do. My whole post was about my troubled teen years, and I think I would have given anything to have a mom who noticed or cared that I needed her then more than ever. Grizz is lucky to have you, and I'll just bet that, behind all that surliness, he knows it.

Love to you, Lady Fhina. X's and O's by the bushel.

Bloggus

Dumdad said...

I was a Teen Terrorist and now I have my own TT (my son). What goes round....

♥ Braja said...

Woof :)

Working mum said...

I am making notes for the future. I'm sure that 20 years of teaching teenagers will not prepare me one jot for having one in my home!

lakeviewer said...

I worked with teens my entire career. They are as diverse as their parents; yet, good parents may have resentful, terrible children. Developmentally, they all need to experience freedom and limits and love and respect; some of them go through major rebellion stages, some never do. Families and schools that provide many different outlets, arts, sports, competitions, and are present when teens socialize with each other, they will maintain communication and understanding. Teens appreciate both, freedom and controls in good measure.

Most teen terrorists are ignored by their parents and their school mates; they take up the swagger attitude to "show them". Neglect is a major crime.

La Belette Rouge said...

As a childless not by choicee person I am always a bit happy to hear how my friends with teenage terrorists are suffering because of them. Yes, I occasionally partake in a little schadenfeude.;-) Forgive me.:-)

Michelle said...

I'm with Braja!!!

WOOF!!

LOVE YA!!!

Hit 40 said...

Teens!! Watch them if you run out of snacks - they get real cranky with each other.

Lola said...

What am I in for, 10 years from now?

Hopefully my son will get lucky and be blessed with illuminated teachers, stimulating educators and a driving passion for something other than skydiving, home brewing or drugs.

I'm way behind here, I feel I need to stay put and just take notes. Ciao

lizspin said...

Very eloquently stated. . . from one who knows exactly how you feel!

Michelle said...

Dear woman, you leave the best comments on my blog. THE BEST! I am going to feature some of them, OK? Because I want to!!!

I am proud of you too! I can't wait until you come to visit me!!!

kimmiekat said...

I loved this.
You are so correct about teen being terrorists.
I have one....
And I have one in training, Oh No!!!!!

Comedy Goddess said...

My Man is being driven crazy by his 19 year old daughter! She might be in sexual relationship with her best friends father who is getting divorced. It's a diaster.

Vodka Mom said...

teens??? I need a damn drink.

sallymandy said...

I needed this today, Fhina. My darling is inching into teenville, and it's not a pretty sight watching Mom cave in on herself. I miss her! What am I going to do with myself now? Geez, if someone had told me this is what it's like, fall in love with a perfect little person only to wrench yourself away a few years later....natural birth control, that would be it. I've also just had a pregnancy hope/scare at the ripe age of 46 (no laughs please) and so I need to hear from you about this. Thank you bloggy shrimp/sticky label/dear friend in the blogosphere.

And for kind feedback the other day.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I have a hard time imagining anything past the tween years (and that's very hazey) - so this is going to be filed in my "I can't think about that right now" folder!

Under the Influence said...

Yikes! I am sneaking up on the teen years with my almost 12 year old. I'm going to remember the list of "no's" and the "if you don't answer we'll show up NAKED" comment.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Suldog: Thank you so, Sir - And you turned out like a trooper, so that gives me much courage and confidence - Hormones are the pits, non?! x

Diane: I think we are so similar, D, you me and Bloggus - and Saz in the West - It is madness, non?!

Chez Fhina will always be open to wayward tweens such as Ryan and Bloggus's boy (affianced...) We are all learning, are we not - and some ages are easier to deal with than others - Especially once they get large enough to get you in a headlock - Very persuasive headlocks are! xox

kapgaf: I don't envy you that catalogue of difficult ages, K - Do you have medals for each child - I think you ought!

You are right, that with each child, we have to find out individually what works with them... And as for crazy, dahlink, I've already written that book! And you are a superwoman, if not a supermum - for who is? xx

Derrick: I know you are right, wise Derrick, and some days he shows that to us, other days he just calls me a byotch... C'est la vie, c'est la guerre, non! x

ladyfi: I didn't want to scare anyone darling ladyfi... 6 and 8 are such darling ages, and also with some challenges, but they are more reachable, I found... Bonne chance, beautiful ladyfi1 x

Artist Unplugged: We all live like that AU, don't we - I remember sitting in the hosp ward the day my son was born, watching something about drug abuse in young people, when I was feeding him... I suddenly realised just what kind of world I had brought Grizz into... If we all felt the demons of the world all the time, we'd never give birth to our loved ones, or adopt, or foster, would we...

blognut: As I said, darling Bloggus, my house and my heart will always be open to your wee uns... I live a little way from Gretna Green, where they marry them under-age - Will that do, darling?! x

Dumdad: You have made me feel better already, Sir - You turned out a diamond, non?

♥ Braja: Woof :) right back at you, you mad and wonderful woman! x

Working mum: I am sure with your wee one that everything will turn out wonderfully - She seems such a sweetie now...x

lakeviewer: I know you are right, madame, and yet my darling has never, ever been neglected, always nurtured and always told how much he is loved - I know it is the hormones and his independence asserting themselves on his will, and yet some days are very difficult, and others are mighty - As I am certain you experienced teaching teens, Rosaria... This i-Pod generation, I shall call them, are a different kettle of fish, methinks... x

La Belette Rouge: I know darling, and I am sorry to post in such a way that might offend others who have gone through hell and back for their own children... I would not change a moment with my son, even the difficult times, it would be fair to say... But you have your wonderful dog'aughter - And she is such a treasure! xxx

Michelle: :) xxx

Hit 40: True! x said...

Lola: Start stockpiling chocolate and wine now, Lola! I am sure your boy will be a delight... Good luck, dahlink! xx

lizspin: You are so right, Liz, I would not have been able to cope, like you do, with 3 lovely children... And we are both on the fast-spin cycle some days, non?! xxx

Michelle: You are my most favourite gal in NYC, Michelle, and you are always so kind and so nice to me - I appreciate that and you every, every day... I have no probs with you using my comments for anything you wish, but I would add that you also blog like a daring and darling demon, so your own words are very dear to me - Always xox

kimmiekat: You have my love, and also I shall be making a medal for you - What size would you like?! said...

Comedy Goddess: My goodness, my Goddess, I would not wish to be you in that so difficult circumstance - My word! May you be saved from whatever arises... x

Vodka Mom: Pour me one, please, my dahlink! x

sallymandy: Thank you, SM - You are a treasure! I feel for you, and we all find ourselves in such circumstances - The thing is to work out what you can cave in on, and those things that you must not - Or else you shall drive yourself mad... My love to you x

Kate Coveny Hood: Tweens are cool, and they also bring such delights, and a few minor challenges, methinks - Bonne chance, dear Kate! x

Under the Influence: Yikes indeed me darling! And I wish I had had Harlene's words with me at some earlier junctures with the Grizzles, definitely - I am certain that the thought of us turning up nyekkid to his soirees would have done his head in, and made him behave like a gentleman, instead of a Teen Terrorist! x

carma said...

Fhina-
I'm finally back at the computer after a long, long weekend spent on the road. Beautiful response to my inquiry. Your sweet little baby Grizz may have morphed into a teen terrorist, but you will ALWAYS share a special bond...assuming you do not show up nekkid at any of his "Paris Hilton Soirees."
carma

gonz said...

History can tell the tale of teens on their misadventures but once they surpass that level they will get better sooner or later. We have to admit that most of us have undergone what they are undergoing and that thought can give us an edge on how to help them conquer that level and rise victorious.

Something I wrote earlier...

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