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Thursday, 16 July 2009

Customer Services Letter to make you smile...

Complaints Pictures, Images and Photos

This e-mail was sent to me by my fab friend and former neighbour, cat-sitter, operatic singer and actress, Valeria... Did I also say that Valeria's a Civil Servant? We're simply the best, you know! ; )

mouse trap complaints Pictures, Images and Photos

This is an open letter from an Austin woman (and blogger, are you surprised?!), sent to American company Proctor and Gamble's James Thatcher, regarding their feminine products
. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph - Mind the language, if you're easily offended.

It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16
in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I
can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just
a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into
what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

Complaints Pictures, Images and Photos

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women.postal Pictures, Images and Photos

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.complaints Pictures, Images and Photos

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . .

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

(Wendi's now here)

Kitty Going Postal Pictures, Images and Photos


Michelle said...

That is hilarious!!!

Aerodynamic maxi-pads....Who knew??

Miss ya lady!!!

♥ Braja said...

Brilliant. And...er....can I borrow the kitty at the bottom? Just to train up mine, y'know.....:)))

Chairman Bill said...

Is a period a bit like a full stop?

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

F***ing A!!!!

'cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus'

OH YES!! OH YES!!! this is a riot..thanks for reprinting it..I feel a surge of sympathy flowing...and think that all women in blogland should post this in synchronised time...that would give them a message or 1000's email this to mr thatcher....



Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

love, love love, the machine toting cat!!!

Derrick said...

Can someone tell me what this lady is on about?

You find the strangest things, Fhina! Great pics!

Suldog said...

What in HELL were they thinking? "Have a happy..." Sheesh. Dopes. Are there no females in that department, of all places?

lakeviewer said...

Outrageous! Pass the margaritas and chips cause I'm not leaving.

blognut said...

Oh yay! Cramps and bleeding. What could be better?

Wendi was right to blast that guy for his idiocy.

Spellbound said...

I was the most fortunate of women because after my first child my cycle was merely messy, never especially emotional or violent. Change of life went past me almost unnoticed except I no longer have the mess and never have to worry about birth control (yes my dears, there is life after menopause). However from what I remember pre baby days if I had found such a message on my maxi pad my ire would have been chronicled in the PMS hall of fame. Do we have one of those by the way? If so, this woman gets to stand on the highest box while we play her national anthem.

Something I wrote earlier...

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