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Wednesday, 23 September 2009

What is the truth?

black and white Pictures, Images and Photos

...Aha, I recall 'coming around' after a drug-free childbirth, (blasted National Childbirth Trust!), speaking to my (not-yet-mother) midwife about the pain and upheaval during childbirth being a conspiracy by women against women!

Not in a mad, raving, salivating way you understand, but more by patiently and calmly implying that we do not know what the hell it is we will go through during childbirth.

Alone.

Because we each go through it on our own, whether there's a partner there to 'share the burden' (really?) or not - And no-one can or will tell you what it's like... No-one, not even your dearest friend. The one who said she'd share everything with you. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

So we harbour and hold our embroidered chinoiserie dressing gowns to our bosom and expanding waist-line, and we pack our shining hand-mirrors, (what are they supposed to be for, again??!), and cotton-comforting, (i.e. not opening-at-the-back in a big-arse-revealing way), pretty night-gowns to our bare souls, while we are stripped of any dignity and sense of self by the bold, cold medical profession who prod and poke and provoke and pry and rarely pamper mothers during The Act of Childbirth (First Act).

And then, post-partum, we find ourselves again, in life...

Piece by piece, nerve by shattered nerve, in the beauty of being a mum and loving our bairns unconfeckingditionally...

In spite of being terrified, horrified. Battered and knackered... Worn-out and worn-in, cut and severed...

And we live...and we breathe, in and out.

In and out...

And we learn about life and how tough it really is out there in the wide, wild wilderness, and we fight for our kids, and we scream and we hurt and we bleed.

And we cry for them. Out loud... And we love them.

Them and us. Against the wide, wild world.

...And then they become teenagers... and you seriously wonder, is it too late to have them adopted?!

I kid you not! (Second Act).

Dogs/Goodbye Pictures, Images and Photos

14 comments:

A Mom on Spin said...

Perfectly put, dear Fhina, perfectly put!!!!

Artist Unplugged said...

Amen to all you wrote Fhina! I remember exactly where were when I told Mr. Unplugged tha I KNEW I wanted a baby - it's a teenager that frightened me!!! Decided to go ahead and worry about the teen scene sometime in the distant future! We have survived one teen.....four more years for number two. I will let you know how that one goes.

French Fancy said...

Excellent post! My GP also has a teenage son and after their recent family holiday doc had to take himself off for a few days away alone to recover from teenageitis. He knew his wife had moaned a lot but until he spent days with the son he really had no idea. The two daughters however are model kids.

It will get better, Fhina. Although my teenage years lasted until about 28.

RNSANE said...

I loved your post....now, with 65 just around the corner - I fly to Rome shortly to celebrate with four friends - and my handsome sons, all adults, I can laugh at the past. I didn't have time to blog - or read them in those days. I did survive!!!

CatLadyLarew said...

Well said! Nobody can ever tell you what it will be like. Now, if you can just get through the next few years without killing them, you'll end up with some really great grown-up friends!

Derrick said...

Hi Fhina,

You seem a little put out this morning? Afraid I can't help with any of the medical stuff. You ladies are on your own - but then, you always knew that!

I'm sure Grizz will mature in time. We all do.

AmyK said...

Amen to you. Well said. The natural childbrith was the easy part. I too chose that and would have traded those hours easily over the hours of waiting up for the teenagers to come home from their nights our on the roads with friends. Sharing their tears of heartache and their pain of disappointment. Birth of easier. That I had some control over.

Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst said...

Oh how true! At the moment, Grrr... I would happily trade my Teenage Daughter for her former new baby/toddler stage, sleepless nights and all. At least I knew where she was all the time! I know it does get easier, I also have a 21 yr old, and we both survived. But that doesnt help me at the moment...Grrr!

Expat mum said...

It is rather knackering isn't it? One of mine is a bundle of nerves and drama at the moment, and the other is quietly trying to pretend that school hasn't started up again. Oh and the 6 year old never stops talking. Aarrghh!

Moannie said...

The true miracle, after the birth itself is the way we forget entirely what we have just been through...just as well eh?

blognut said...

Oh, Fhina! I know you sometimes threaten to give Grizz up for adoption, but I am really sure you'd very quickly ask for him back.

Well... maybe not so quickly, but eventually.

Bloggus
xxooxx

carma said...

Ha Ha. But we always hold out hope that one day they will realize our genius and admit that we were the best moms ever!

Moannie said...

It a poignant Fhina who writes this....we are starting to prepare for the leaving and though it isnt near it is in our thoughts a lot...l know, l far and l to breathe in and out and sigh!

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

that last comment.sorry Fhina, that above wasnt moannie but me signed in to her blog to do some editing for her...

Something I wrote earlier...

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