Monday, 28 November 2011
This work, in a rural GPs' surgery, is unpaid. I volunteer to do it. I love it. I hope, in time, once I am qualified, it will bring me a little bit of income. I cross my fingers and my eyes and make a wish!
Poof! The dry ice smoke lifts and my life is transformed at once. I am in work, being paid for it and full of a sense of my own purpose once more. Losing my job as I did was a blow to my self-esteem and confidence, sans doute.
I struggled for a time with who I was without a 9 to 5 to define me. I was proud of the job I did, the career I had. I felt it was a worthwhile thing to be occupied doing. I was close to the chalk-face, making a difference to people's lives, helping them out of deprivation, creating a small impact on the region's child poverty levels.
Now I make a difference in a different way. While we live in a different world, one that seems as if it is cracking at the seams, where our current politicians couldn't give a flying kipper's fart for us.
I hope, in time, to run together my counselling work with my little casual job as a marriage celebrant.
Next Saturday I shall don my civilized black suit, black heels and a white blouse. I shall straighten my wavy hair, so Boho, you know! I shall marry a couple I've never met. I shall smile at their guests and beckon them in to the large room. I will essay to calm their jittery nerves, to reassure them that they won't be tripped up by their vows, I shall talk them through the process and answer any questions they have.
Only last week a beautiful bride suffered 'a wardrobe malfunction' according to her smiling groom. The zip of her divine long purple dress had broken while she travelled by car to the venue and she was in the ladies' toilet being safety-pinned together by her bridesmaids. Thankfully, given the season, she had a cream fake fur shrug for warmth. Slung artfully across her shoulders, it drew her guests' attention away from the hasty repairs. Theirs was a beautiful ceremony. They were gorgeous and so in love, so happy.
And so I sit at both ends of the spectrum. Right at the start of joyous married-life plans, and where it all begins to unravel for some people and they feel anxious, depressed, sad, overwhelmed, fearful and frightened.
I see it all. It sees me. I am proud of myself. I quieten my own fears therein...
For a while.
Have a fun-filled week, mes bloggy chums. Watch out for the snows. Please know that I care about you and thank you for spending time reading my rubbish! Here's a picture of the inside of my mind to keep you playful today!