Who is it??!

I have not been in Frankfurt... No, not yet.

I have been in Purgatory. The place that is Hell - That is, being without the Internet.

Problems with my router, modem, whatever the daft thing is, have led me to be sans t'Internets for over two weeks.

Copious conversations with disembodied souls in Mumbai have done feck all for my (in)sanity...

Finally, this morning, courtesy of a wonderful engineer called Lawrence, my otherworld Internet half-life has been restored to me.

Phew!

But what do I have to show for these moments of enforced isolation from you, mes amis?

My house is a wee bit tidier and I can see a patch of carpet in the living room that I had not seen since Christmas.

I say 'a wee bit', for I shall never be a domestic goddess - I am too comfortable in my slattern ways for that. But having a bit less chaos has meant I can see the wood for the trees and have a better idea about what needs to be done...

I'm also way behind on e-mails and general communication with other folk in the outside world. I rely heavily on the Internets. Even for silly things such as finding telephone numbers and making complaints to British Telecom about the shoddiness of their customer service.

It is amazing how dependent we have become on all this new technology.

In your absence, I actually married my first couple last weekend - They were gorgeous and it was a real privilege.

Thank you!

My Poker Face...

It is Sunday. I am at my husband's best friend's lovely house - Do you remember the one we repaired to, in winter, when the weather meant we kept getting snowed in at home... This is the house with the all-white decor with tasteful nuances of rose; The house where I am afraid to move a lardy muscle, or even sneeze normally... I am the Mother of All Sneezers, and shopkeepers flinch in fear as I pass their bijou emporiums. I can break plate glass with my sneezules -

Why am I at my husband's best friend's house, sitting on his rose pink duvet, tippy-tappying upon a Georgian mahogany writing desk?

1. They are currently watching the Belgian Grand Prix;

2. This is at least where I have short-lived access to his t'Internet, which I have been without for ooh, well over four days now...

3. Did I tell you my husband's an IT techie person, manager, thingummyjig?

4. What that means is, like with busmen's holidays, he doesn't fix our stuff at home for he's world-weary of sorting other people's IT problems out twenty-four-seven, internationally, across wide oceans, interwebbily...

5. No.

6. "What do you mean I should have fixed it by now, Fhina?! Get bleeding stuffed!"

7. Meanwhile, Fhina lies bereft on a rose-pink velvet chaise longue.

8. Sighing.

9. Suffering.

10. With a long poker-face.

Please forgive my absences from your bloglettes? Mwah!