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Thursday, 12 March 2009

I Wanna Hold Him Tight!

teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos

teenagers. Pictures, Images and Photos
Let's face it, you hardly see him most days... Hell-o, he could even be a rather noisy poltergoost...

Evenings, he's secreted away in his room, either on his mobile, or talking to his fiends on MSN.

Teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos

Suddenly, he's behind you in the kitchen, the thunder of cloven hooves on the stairs, chucking back food like there is no tomorrow, leaving the fridge door open constantly, so that it's almost like having an extra light in the kitchen! In fact, should they ever extend the aircraft runway to the north, you're in like Flynn!

Mornings, he's spending hours in the shower... Then he's like a Whirling Dervish flinging laundry across the entire house at all hours, attempting to juggle kittens, burning incense, listening to rasta and ska music - VERY LOUD - Long after the Parentals have hit the hay, as a matter of fact.

teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos
Tonight, he's jamming with his mates in the 'Music Room', ( - Dining Room as was, do you remember your dreams for that room, Fhina, when you first moved in?! Dashed they were...... Dashed!)

At stupid o'clock, he's hurling insults at you, then staring at the TV upstairs in his darkened cave like a scrupulously clean and well-nourished Mediaeval Hermit...

And then, very rarely, you actually catch him doing something, anything resembling homework... And that's only in the odd moments when he's not gone from the house!
vernon teenage kicks Pictures, Images and Photos

And still he doesn't appreciate how lucky he is in so many ways... You're liberal-minded, (and yet appropriately strict at times); You're tree-hugging, hippy-dippy parents, encouraging his talents, building him up, offering slender olive branches of cool confidence and calm for his delectation and deliverance from evil.

His friends like you. One of them - The Ginger One - cursed forever in relationships by a bitter ex-girlfriend, even said you were cool!

You're not like those parents he told you about, who have a room in the house that they don't let any teenagers into --- Ever! They won't even let their teenager plug in an electric appliance, for fear of him scratching their shining chrome plates... Can you believe that?!

In fact, some of 'those kinds of people' can really upset you... The Nimbies***.

And don't forget the media, endlessly jibber-jabbering on, demonizing young people...

'Hoodies!' 'Law-Breakers!' 'Criminals-In-Waiting!'

teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos

And then, last night, he came in from the school bus, weary from the day, full from whatever he had filched from the fridge on his way through to the lounge...

And then he asked to sit on your knee... And you moved so that he could sit, mainly on the sofa, but sort of straddling your knees...

(The child is a giant and would crush you if he sat on you, I promise... - Remember when he had that try-out for the school's Rugby Eleven, and you were pressed up against the kitchen cabinets, hardly able to breathe, let alone budge a whisker?)

So you massaged his back, because he asked you to. You skritched all over his tee-shirt, to try to ease out some of the knots you felt in his muscles. You went on to apply pressure to his neck and shoulders, to grizzle his blonde mop-head, just like you used to.

And he let you...

Then - Just for a laugh - While you were finishing the amateur acupressure, (kind of) massage... That bit when you hold his head gently at the end, and think positive thoughts; Willing energy and light into him... It came to you in a flash...

Exorcism Pictures, Images and Photos

So you said a few words out loud... To make him smile, which it did, and also to try to get the message over to him... To exorcise and keep the 'teenage demon' out of him... If only for a little while...

I love you more than life itself, but can we have the old one back?!

And, hey, don't kid yourself. It's been like this for ever, for every generation... Hasn't it?!

Bobby Darin Teenagers Pictures, Images and Photos

Tennies Pictures, Images and Photos

*** "NIMBY: To be called a Nimby can be a devastating insult, undermining one's well argued case and labelling it a simply a statement of self-interest.
The word was first recorded in 1980; It was the late Nicholas Ridley, an arch Thatcher-loyalist, who brought it to wider usage, in the late 80s.

As environment secretary, Ridley had no fear in appearing abrasive. He was, after all, the man in charge of the poll tax. He also used his position to attack the rural middle classes for their opposition to development, calling it "crude Nimbyism". (Not In My Back Yard = NIMBY!)

At the root of distaste for Nimbys is a belief that the protesters are putting their own interests ahead of the needs of society, and that their objections are selfish rather than principled". Source: BBC News UK


Lisa said...

oh wow !!
ten points !!
ten points !!
brilliant xxx

Belle said...

Oh Fhina..
I understand.
More than you could possibly think.I have TWO of them inhabiting my Universe.

Belle said...

Oh - that's just the boys. I have TWO girls as well..
Lets not even go down that road.

Protege said...

There is nothing as unconditional as a mothers love.;))
Your son is very lucky.
You are right it is the same for every generation.
I wish that one day I would get to experience what it feels like to have a teenager; but with the rate I am going, if I ever have a child, by the time it grows to be a teenager, I will most likely be too senile to remember his/her name.:P
Lovely post!

lakeviewer said...

Yes, they do need a special love to get through this stage in one piece.

I used to feel that all the other adults out there, in schools, clubs, all of us tried to be a presence in our children's lives. Hopefully, the child would confide and open up with one of us, any one. I used to tell parents when I worked with teens, that they had to be caring no matter what, because in the final analysis, if your mother and father can't love you, who can? In a few years, when they reconnect with you, they will thank you, appreciate you and ask for your recipes.

When that happens, you will forgive them everything.

Anonymous said...

I recommend that Julie Myerson read your blog

blognut said...

I have a theory about that special moments, Fhi. Those few moments sprinkled here and there are to keep you from killing those teenagers when they run amuck. They are to humble the teen for a minute and remind them that they love and need their parents, and to give the parents a little glimpse of hope that they really have done a great job with their teen... and I really do believe you have....

This was one great post... but then they always are, aren't they?

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Lisa: Bless you for liking this true segment of our fragile lives! xxx

Belle: Two girls and two boys, and you manage that without shackles and constraints! You have my admiration! And I really don't know how I would have coped with the demands and trauma (and love, of course), of girls! My husband would definitely have taken up on the porch rocker with a shotgun at this stage! xxx

Protege: We are lucky to have one another - He is my treasure and occasionally my torment, it would be fair to say! If not a parent, you would be such a fabulous mentor to troubled teens, I am certain, Z... You have such a calm feel and energy about your pics and your writing! It's tangible, and sometimes parents aren't the easiest ones for young people to take advice from - My neighbour's son confides more in me than in his parents or peers, and that's lovely and strange at the same time... x

lakeviewer: Ah, LV, with your wit and your wisdom! I understand and have been told about the reconnection phase, and this was a glimpse of that, I think... He isn't a bad kid, at all, and for that I am grateful... He will have a good life, I know, and one that I hope we will always be a part of, but these are tricky, infuriating, intense, and often dangerous, times, non? I already have forgiven him everything that he has and might ever do; That unconditional love is the only thing we can give them that they will understand in years to come. Even when I have to chastise his behaviour, I always have to balance that with telling him how much we love him and care for him. xxx

Anonymous: Thanks for stopping by, and for your insightfulness! The Myerson situation is just so wrong, but we see more and more of it each day - People bandying their lives across the media, unregarding of 'the needle and the damage done'.

blognut: Hello treasure - I have just responded to your thoughts on my blog yesterday - Over in older posts - I hope you are having a wonderful day today. And you are so right about those little chinks we perceive in their armour that keep us and them holding on throughout this adolescent phase.

You are just such a clever, wise and fantastically caring woman, BN, I really mean that! Thank you for beblogfriending me/Fhi! It really means so much to me... xxx

Dumdad said...


I have a 15-year-old son and I sometimes wonder what happened to that little boy who looked up to me and thought I was the smartest, coolest, wisest, strongest dad in the world. Now I look up to him physically . . . ah, but I love him so.

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

What a touching post. I am on this slippery slope, a 15 year old and next month the 12 year old joins her in the land of teens. I feel for you, I feel for all of us with teens. Why need to set up Parentline. xx

Diane said...

I wish you were my mommy. And I don't care if we are the same age.

Artist Unplugged said...

What a touching post, cherish those little glimpses of the little boy! We all just try to survive the teenage years AND the stupid young adult years!

Derrick said...

Hello Fhina,

See! Now what was all that tirade about yesterday?!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Dumdad: Does Brainbox get you in a headlock as Grizz does his dad? Only my back probs stop him play-fighting physically with me now! They do look down on you, and we haven't been able to physically make him 'Go to your room', since he was about 12, he's so much stronger than us - Mind you, he could always pull me over if he was behind me, by pulling my hair backwards! We do love them ' though!

Reasons: It is true, for I have no real family left, and so when you want advice where do you go?! 'Parentline' would be such a good help for parents trying to do their best! xxx

Diane: Bless you sweetheart! We do try hard to be decent mums/moms, both of us, don't we?! Sometimes I'm blue (not pink!) in the face with the strain! xox

Carolina said...

And again: that's why we have dogs ;-)

I really, really enjoy your writing.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Carolina: Bless you! You have dogs and those lovely pigs 'though, don't you? That must be a bit of a handful, but I'll bet they don't write-off cars - More tomorrow, my darling, once I've recovered a bit from the latest debacle! xox

jinksy said...

With kids now 38 and 41, I can smile at all the angst with perfect composure! And smugness...x

Suldog said...

Being a ginger myself (Oh, OK, a former ginger - grey & white, now) I could have told you that the ginger one would have found you cool. We know where it's really at.

presious said...

I have four of these species and I have yet to understand them. They are unique yet puzzling in their own beings. I was once told they come full circle and return to the launching pad i.e. home and become normal once again...somewhere in their late 20's LOL! Gotta love 'em anyway

Expat mum said...

Aw bless. We found out when we measured Mr. Minimal (age 13) that he grew from 5'8" to 5'11.5" since the end of August. Aagghh! However, he still leans down every morning and gives me a kiss before leaving for school. This morning I was poked in the eye by the peak of his baseball cap but never mind. Great post.

Anonymous said...

I tried to comment yesterday, but blogger would not let me.

This post brought tears to my eyes. I have four sons and you described the moments so poignantly here of raising men.

I would never BE a teenager again, but I would raise them in a heartbeat.

Chairman Bill said...

a 31 year old daughter
a 21 year old daughter
a 10 year old son
an 8 year old son

No wonder I blog as an escape.

lakeviewer said...

DEar One,
You already are advanced for reaching out and not killing them. I have a belief that this is mother nature protecting mothers from raising children all the way to their death. This separation time is best for everyone. He needs to separate. You need him to separate when you are ready. Surprise newsflash: you'll never be ready until you get the angry bite and then, you'll let go, angry and disappointed. Don't forget, you'll say as you gather his things for his next stage, write, drop in. We'll be here.

GB said...

Fascinating. Mine were perfect. No flaws. But then that was a long long time ago. One forgets the then and lives the now. Like childbirth: you forget the pain. After all many Mum's I know said 'Never again' after the first birth (and the second, and the third!).

Michelle said...

Fhina beautiful one, this post made me chuckle for no reason at all except it was perfect!!

The photos and your writing - I can picture your child on your lap!!! What a wonderful thing and I bet you give great massages!!!!

Love you dear one!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

AU: True, true - Those young adult years are the very difficult ones - More to follow tomorrow, I would guess x

Derrick: Ah, you are such a sage, Sir! x
inksy said...

jinkstress: How can you have children of those ages and be as young at heart as you are, jinks? You are an inspiration to us all x

Suldog: I love me some ginger, Sir Suldog - I cannot see what all the fuss is about, people being funny about ginger - I love red hair and treasure it in people - But I am apricotty sort of blonde! Grizz's ginger friend is such a cool kid, I could slap the girlfriend who has jinxed his relationships, it seems... x

presious: You are so clever, and so precious and such a wonderful carer and mom, I can feel it! xx

Expat mum: You are so funny about Mr Minimal, and this is what happens, they grow like Topsy before your eyes! He sounds such a sweetie! A poke in the eye is worth a kiss from the child! xx

The Things We Carried: Sorry about the bloggy Gremlins, Meredith, darling! You have four sons, and you must have such life experience, as you say, of the challenges and pleasures, of raising men! It is so true... x

Chairman Bill: You manage to escape?!

lakeviewer: I know, I know, you are right - I just keep thinking that if he goes off backpacking for a Gap Year, I'll have to follow him - Admittedly at a distance, and if he gets a band together and goes on tour, I'll be such an embarrassment to him then as a 50 year old rock chick! Bless you for your kindness and wisdom! x

GB: I said 'Never again', after the first birth, and got my OH to write it down, so I would remember - I had a drugs free birth, so I know exactly what it took! I love him more than life itself, it is fair to say, and I know following our recent events, that he does appreciate that - Will blog later on this x

Michelle: You are so lovely, my NYC chick! I do give fair massages, it is true! I hope you are okay in the snow today! I read somewhere else it was snowing there! Love and hugs to you! xxx

Fifi Flowers said...

This sounds QUITE familiar! I love those moments when they want to be close and talk... I grab every one I get!

Woman in a Window said...

Thank you for telling me that there will still be touch, there will still be need, and give and take and love.

shabby girl said...

He will remember that encounter as well. May save him someday.
Hugs to you, mommy of a teenager!

Pearl said...

Really enjoyed this!
My boy's 24, back to finish his last year of college, and so much of this still rings true. :-) He leans into me, demanding that I "scratch". He hollers, with his head in the fridge, "What's to eat?" He responds to requests that he do the dishes with laughter.
I'm gonna go beat him.

Jay said...

I think your son is one of the lucky ones. ;)

Yes, it's been pretty much the same for all time, but some kids are luckier than others and some parents are luckier than others. We had the same kind of scenario you describe, with the sprinkling of hugs and good moments of real contact. They both got through it and are now fine young men.

And I've been called cool by their friends too - I consider it one of the finest compliments I've ever had!

lizspin said...

Lucky that you got a glimpse into the little boy again. . . you need to grab those moments and keep them in a little box to get you through the tough times. . .

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Fifi: I know - We are all not alone in this as parents! These moments sparkly like rare gems, emitting the kind of power and energy that your paintings do too! x

Woman in a Window: You are most welcome! The give is all on the side of the good parents, and the take comes from the teenager's side - Mainly! They are lovely 'though!

shabstress: Hugs right back to you, shabby girl - Why so shabby? You are beatiful! x

Pearl: Why you little! Your little vignette sounds so cool, Pearl, that they still want to come home if only to eat you out of house and home! My house is always open to Grizz and his lanky, hungry fiends! Sounds like you are just the same, girl! x

Jay: I look forward to that fine young man stage, Jay - I hope they always feel our love, even if they do not always acknowledge it to us... It's true, he has some lovely friends, whom I would adopt if I had the room, and their parents would let me! x

lizspin: My little box at the mo' appears to be my blog - To record, and pore over from time to time, to hog and cosset memories - You are so right, Liz-lovely! x

Anonymous said...


Kate Coveny Hood said...

Okay - I could have SWORN that I commented on this... No recollection of what I said now.

It's hard to imagine a time that my sons won't follow me around the house ("mommy mommy mommy mommy") and prefer me to everyone else.

But I have a brother - so I know what teenage boys are like. I have to appreciate all of this affection while it's abundant. Soon enough it will be more of a once in a while thing (but that's the kinds that you appreciate most I guess!)

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Tismee2: :)

Kate: Goddess knows what happens to all those missing posts - The same thing happens to me!
Too true, friend, and I hope your sons always follow in your steps - I am certain they will always heed their mom!

Pouty Lips said...

I have three sons; and I say Bravo!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Something I wrote earlier...

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