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Wednesday, 25 March 2009

What Doesn't Kill You?

What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger...

Doesn't that sound matter of fact? Pat? Trite, even... what doesnt kill you Pictures, Images and Photos

For when we're down in the dumps, it sometimes seems that nothing will ever drag us from that bottomless pit... Yes, that one.

bottomless pit Pictures, Images and Photos

I apologise here and now if anyone felt I might be overstepping any marks yesterday... I cannot stop myself, you see, de temps en temps, offering unsolicited advice... Even when I sense that no-one is going to take it, despite the fact that it's well considered and decent advice... Stand up close family relation, who has exhausted every bit of patience Fhina once had, and I'm a naturally pretty patient person, so that is saying something.

I am sorry if I seemed a little 'worthy' in the most derogatory sense of that word...
not worthy Pictures, Images and Photos

I don't know why I do it, and I tell myself I will stop, and then I find myself wading on in there again, positing ideas and advice like some 21st Century Gypsy Rose... Scrying into the sphere of crystal, and not seeing tall, dark strangers in anyone's future.
Fortune Teller Pictures, Images and Photos

I might never let you into my own personal cabinet of secrets, mes bloggy chums. Mais non, the hoary ancient skeletons that lie within might not ever see the light of day again, mes dahlinks... And yet I wouldn't ever want you to think that I have led a charmed life... no. One with no scents or stains, without Sturm und Drang, as our German cousins say.

Skeletons in the closet Pictures, Images and Photos

So I thought I'd offer a checklist, a resume if you like of my bon voyage through life, that puts me in a place where I think I am qualified, (no certificate implied), to offer billets doux - Soft words...
Just so that you know, mes amis, that if I offer my bons mots again, mes petits choux - If I deign to proffer solutions or study aids to the counter the doom and gloom of our universe, that they come from someplace near my still-beating heart, where there might be some scars that are not yet healed, and where there are lots of other little nightmares that I have had to push back into the deep, dark pot-holes of my ever-rambling mind. So as to keep this side of the Insanity Clause...

NB: This list is not comprehensive:

Having had an abusive, bullying partner
Having a partner break into and steal from parents' house
Mother dying tragically, well before her time
Ditto mother-in-law, one week before you get married to her much-loved son Committal to a mental health facility of a close family member
Committal to a mental health facility of best friend since childhood
Said best friend almost dying through anorexia - Twice, 2o years apart
Finding out your father-in-law had an earlier, secret family life and two further children. All this tumbling out of the mouth of a close family friend, in the month after F-I-L's OH died. He's never admitted to it, even when confronted with it.
Father-in-law commencing a short-lived affair with the heavily pregnant wife of your OH's best friend's father
Heavy drinking of close family member
Bad home accident caused by father-in-law's stupidity and ignorance, resulting in your baby being briefly hospitalised, and which you can never forgive him for...
Almost losing your Significant Other in an apalling car crash
Ten years later, almost losing your Significant Other to sudden health problems, which required weeks in hospital, where staff from the first ward he was admitted to kept on coming back to see him, because they did not believe he could still be alive...
Your Significant Other losing his livelihood three times for economic reasons
Dealing with resulting times of understandable depression and low mood, penury, poverty, and contemplating suicide on more than one occasion to avoid creditors...
Dealing with bullying in the workplace, and changing jobs and locations to avoid it - Twice
Almost losing your only child in a car crash (you know about that one, mes dahlinks, and he is still a love...

"So, please forgive me if I act a little strange, for I know not what I do..."*** But I know I will never stop doing it, that is, offering friends unsolicited advice. I cannot help myself.

A toute a l'heures mes pretty cornflakes!

Tick Pictures, Images and Photos

*** David Gray Youtube


Lisa said...

i love that picture of the crystal ball ( ? )- most excellent xx

blognut said...

Your advice is never technically unsolicited, my lovely Fhina. Never. You see, I come here for it, because you always manage to be talking about the very thing that I needed to hear about on a given day, even if I didn't know that I needed to be hearing about it.

I am a mess some days - an absolute mess - and yet, it's people in the blog world (like you), that keep me going between trips to the therapist!

So... with all that said... and my many secrets staying off my blog because I lack your kind of courage, NEVER EVER apologize for giving me advice. Keep talking, or I'll come over there and camp on your doorstep.

Love to you, Lady Fhina. xo

French Fancy said...

Never apologise and never explain - some words of wisdom my lovely old mum told me. I'm sure whoever you give advice to knows it comes from your heart.

jinksy said...

I've always found your blogposts full of love, wit and wisdom, so how could anyone object to that? The more one experiences in this life, the more understanding one has for others, which certainly make you a 'wise old bird' and I do NOT mean old in the sense of years! It's just an apt description for a wise, compassionate being such as yourself. xxx

Diane said...

First, you have/had nothing (NOTHING) to apologize for! You are the humblest of the humble and no one would ever read your 'advice' as anything but filled with love and compassion. And if they did/do, they're stupid! :)

And bless your heart RE your list. I'm always amazed when I look at what people go through... how some come out on the other side full of love and compassion... how does it happen? Well, all I know is I'm glad it happened to you (not the bad stuff - the love and compassion part :)


carma said...

Please continue to dole out your sage advice. I thought you were qualified even before I read about all these hardships. You never know what impact your words may have - to change someone's life for the better. Gotta tell ya I love you you go from refined images to Wayne's World "we're not worthy" to Oingo Boingo. Quite the study in contrasts today!!

Sometimes Sophia said...

A sadly impressive list... one that makes my heart ache for you. Your advice resonates with all of us, whether we admit it or not. You have a valuable perspective to share... all the better because you are strong and upbeat even when your heart is weighed down.

Suldog said...

Now, it's time for you to make the list of good things you've had happen. Savor those, and put these where they belong; a place where they'll be remembered, but not able to tap you on the shoulder quite so often :-)

Henry the Dog's Mum said...

So you've led an average, common-or-garden kinda life Fhina!!!!!;)

You're brave listing the bad things. I have to keep mine locked in a big room in my head. It's the only way I cope. But we're all different aren't we?

I respect your continued optimism. Respect!

Artist Unplugged said...

You are a trooper for laying out all the bad in your life. Don't hold back that advice.....I'll bet your list of good things in your life is far longer....at least that's what I hope. I do think events make us stronger and it is a mystery as to why many have waaaaaay too much strength training in their lives.

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

I didn't get to read the post to which you refer but I will, and I'll bet it wasn't taken as you worry it may have been.

You've been through a lot, that's for sure. It's unfair how some people get lumbered with more than their fair share of shite to deal with. I think these things to come back to haunt from time to time, we are fragile creatures. Take care and be kind to yourself. You are your own best friend. xxx

Derrick said...

Hello Fhina,

I loved the crystal ball pic too. Wondered when you had it taken?!!

Everything that my pre-commentators have said is true. I'll look foward to reading that HUGE list of good things tomorrow!

screamish said...

hooo. Now THAT'S a list.

Woman With SOul...if anyone's qualified to give advice I'd say you are. I'll get back to you soon with a list of questions

Aleksandra said...

You crazy woman,I adore you,love you for your unbeliveble(Shit,I have to look for my dictionary again,whait...)dus,ubelievable,incredible,tireless,goddes of good spirits you,I love you with my whole heart.Sorry I was not around,Im having some serious pains so could not respond.I ceep visits to your blog as some kind of a treat,like with a good belgum praline bombons(love those).And again you are a medicine for my pain and lonelyness,you bring laughter back in this worn body and we need that the moust.THANK YOU FOR BEEING A GOOD FRIEND,you dear lady.Take care and go on,do what you are doing best,shine my crazy diamond.Love and Hugz from crazy Yugo woman!

Michelle said...

Fuck. My TOE is nothing. NOTHING!

I am sorry for all you had to go through and forgive you? FOR WHAT? You did nothing wrong dear Fhina!

You are a spectacular person and friend and do not ever forget that!!!

lakeviewer said...

That's the beauty of sharing. We begin to drop all that cargo, a basket at a time, at this friend's, at that neighbor's. WE are stronger because of all that weight we had to carry. Letting others help us, allows us to share the journey.

lizspin said...

Good God, Fhina. .. if that list doesn't qualify you for sharing. . . what would????

shabby girl said...

Huh? Let me re-read...I missed yesterday!

findingmywingsinlife said...

I do not think your readers would ever take offense to your advice Fhina. You write what comes to mind and you write it well.

blognut said...

Hello again, love. I linked to this post on my blog - hope you won't mind.


Rob-bear said...

Fhina, friend, what a terrible row to hoe! Thank you for your gutsy honesty. Blessings on the journey.

Though I have to disagree with you. What doesn't kill you can leave you permanently disabled, which is not the same as stronger.

Chairman Bill said...

Aren't Sturm und Drang a German heavy metal band?

As for unsolicited advice - my advice is to avoid giving it at all costs. My sis-in-law is always doling it out, and when people refuse to take it, she gets all haughty. One has to accept others as they are (so I'm told), and if they choose to live their lives differently to you, then that's their right.

Anonymous said...

This is your blog and we are just visitors. So you can never overstep your marks... it is your right to write what you like in this - your own - space on the net.

You can give out advice... doesn't mean we have to take it.

Also - you can have my advice cos no one else uses it! ;-)

Protege said...

I admire you for sharing your past with us; and such a difficult one it must have been. I am really in awe that you have been through so many downs and have remained the wonderful woman that you are.
I have always liked that quote and once changed it around to something that seems to be fitting my sentiments about life more:
"What doesn't kill you, changes you forever."

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Lisa: I tried to pick some quirky images, definitely!

Bloggus Nuttus: Thank you, dear BN. It's my sixth sense you see! No, I just pick up on things from reading the mood in other blogs and comments, to be fair... And what's comforting to me, is that many of us feel the same things, do the same things - Incredible - In fact, I'm going to blog about that shortly too... It makes me feel much better about myself, as do lovely, warm, wonderful friends such as you! Therapy is not so widely available or accessed in the UK! And, you can come and camp on my doorstep any day, Bloggus, I mean it! xxx

FF: What a wise woman your lovely mum was... I have been told that before, but find it really hard to stick to, and tend to apologize far too much for my own good. Bless you once again for your support to me, FF, with someone as busy and as bright as you are I always value the time you give to me x

jinksy: You are so kind, dear jinksy! I really appreciate your boosting of my (often waning) confidence - I do wobble sometimes, when I press the 'Publish' button, and I ought to know I am among good friends! xx

Diane: Thank you, precious Diane... No-one said anything really, it's just me wobbling again and working out whether people might be offended by my seeming to offer advice, which I do ad nauseam! Bless you, as ever for your beauty! xox

Carma: You are kind to say you thought I was up to offering advice, as I do - I so appreciate you and your warm sunniness, Carma, ever day! . And, I am a bit of a quirky old so and so, so thank you for picking up on my blogging madness with diverse images and trinkets! x

Sometimes Sophia: SS, I was thinking when I was writing my list - It isn't enough - It doesn't prove anything... There are people with terrible things going on all the time... And it has taken me looking in the mirror which you and others have held up to my face, to understand that it has been quite a bit of a strange journey, after all... I have such a tendency to think that I haven't really lived, or I haven't much experience, so all your words do mean such a lot to me! x

Suldog: Hello Sir! I do have lists in my mind, it is true, of good things I have encountered: Moments shared, people I have met and know - many who are now here... I do always try to encourage people to focus on positives, to list the great, and focus less on bitterness caused by bad experiences. You are always such a sage Suldog... Thank you...

Henry the Dog's Mum: True darling, true! As you can tell, I did wobble a bit about posting - Particularly when I wouldn't want family concerned to read said list... Mine are locked away behind closed doors in my head too. And I echo your thoughts - It's the only way I cope, but sometimes you need to take them out and polish them off a little, as you would a tortoise's shell, just to remember, and realise how far you have come - As I know you have HTDM, from the Weatherby Whaler to France... And, sorry I lost my comments the other day, but I know about the Weatherby Whaler through all the football fans that stop off there after home matches - Do you believe it - it is that famous! xxx

Artist Unplugged: You are so right, AU - I do have lots of things that I am grateful for that keep me bolstered up and trotting out and about each day... I find it really interesting that you refer to it as 'strength training' - And it's probably healthy to regard it just in that way - Thank you! xxx

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3: Nowt happened, Reasons, no need to flick back and read - I just tend to wobble from time to time if I'm too revelatory, or if I feel I've overstepped any marks... I'm like that in 'real' life, too! Your advice is wonderful - You are your own best friend! That is sooo true. xxx

Derrick: I have many pics of me holding balls of all kinds, Sir! Particularly the crystal variety! Chortle...

screamish: What a great monicker, Screamish! Love it.

Aleksandra: Sandra, I have no objection to being called crazy - You can call me anything you like, just don't call me late for breakfast! Old joke, sorry!

I am sorry to hear you have been in a darkened space, Sandra, and I hope you are pulling out of it gradually, and walking towards all that is light... You are a treasured bloggy friend, do take care of yourself! Love, hugs and chocolate, yourself! Fhi xxx

Michelle: I just wish I had a swearbox over here - We could pay the lovely Braja's Indian medical bills in no time!!! Love you lots, and your toe and your fears are very natural and not at all 'nothing'. So there! xxx

lakeviewer: Ah, LV, your wit and wisdom are ever welcome at my bloggy portal!

"That's the beauty of sharing. We begin to drop all that cargo, a basket at a time, at this friend's, at that neighbor's. WE are stronger because of all that weight we had to carry. Letting others help us, allows us to share the journey". Those are very powerful words, my friend x

lizspin: Bless you, Liz! xx

shabby girl: You missed nothing, Shabstress - Just a Fhina Wobble! x

findingmywingsinlife: Bless you for your gentle kindness x

blognut: YOU AGAIN?! xox

Rob-bear: Blessings to you, Rob-bear too! I know you are so right in what you said.

Chairman Bill: You're thinking of that noisy Enstuertzender Neubauten, or something like that - Sturm und Drang are like Hinge and Bracket, only they sing Deutsche Lieder!

I know I am probably very like your sister in law and we will probably be haughty all the way to the grave... It's probably how we're built...but you are, as ever, very right!

ladyfi: Thank you, thank you, noble ladyfi! I will always take your advice, my bloggy brilliance, for you are far wiser than me! x

Protege: Wonderful my very wise Danish rose-bud: "What doesn't kill you, changes you forever."

Chairman Bill said...

The secret is to not take offence when others don't take your advice, and not say: "I told you so," when it all turns to poo for them BECAUSE they ignored your advice. Very hard to do, and I wish I could do it.

Bee and Rose said...

I am a new visitor here via a lovely fellow blogger, Blognut...whom I adore!

This post was definitely meant to be part of my journey today...hope you don't mind me hanging around:)

Something I wrote earlier...

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