Thank you with all my heart and soul, for your goodness and decency yesterday - Really you are all so very much appreciated, I hope you know...
I was at hospital most of today to be assessed prior to the impending op in mid-February. Most of my earlier woes stemmed from the fact that I did not know what was going on, what to expect, what the outcomes of surgery might be. I knew nothing, and unusually for me had not even had the temerity to Google stuff out of pure fear of what I might find. Honestly, what a wuss!
I am filled today with greater confidence in those who will be dealing with me - How could I ever have doubted it? The fact that some of you have experienced similar wobbles, in terms of this kind of thing, is heartening, and helped me yesterday, really it did...
My cousin-brother, David, said to me that this uncertainty is to be expected; It is natural and is a feeling that marks us out as being human beings... I can't describe it as well as he did, but he reminded me that when this is all over, I will see life in a different, more vibrant way, and that overcoming fear and trepidation enables us to re-surface, to breathe air, and to appreciate more what life offers us again.
Dare I say, my darling Coz is always, always right?
Another little musical interlude, to conclude, mes amis!
I thought I might offer you this petit morceau of bitter-sweet, some might say saccharine, tribute to love and loss...
Summer Wind by Frank Sinatra - Watch it quickly, it won't be there tomorrow - The copyright police people will be 'in like Flynn' protecting the Sinatra Estate... And why not?
If it isn't there, and you are wont to see it - Look for it on Youtube... There, it's gone again!
Even if you don't like Mr Sinatra, please give it a little listen, for the bold orchestration, probably by Mr Nelson Riddle and his Orchestra of reknown...
Here are the lyrics, if you don't wish to play the video, or indeed if it has gone on its travels into the cyberspace of ether and spaceballs, marshmallows and Tunnock's tea cakes - Ummmmmmmmmmm!
The summer wind came blowin' in
From across the sea
It lingered there to touch your hair
And walk with me
All summer long
we sang a song
And then we strolled that golden sand
Two sweethearts
And the summer wind
Like painted kites, those days and nights
They went flying by
The world was new
Beneath the blue
Umbrella sky
Then softer than
A piper man
One day, it called to you
I lost you...
I lost you to
The summer wind
The autumn wind
And the winter winds
They have come and gone
And still the days
Those lonely days
They go on and on
And guess who sighs his lullabies
To nights that never end?
My fickle friend,
The summer wind
The summer wind, warm summer wind,
Umm... the summer wind...
Mr Sinatra led a charmed, and probably chequered life - I am not going to go into that here, of course.
He had upswings and declines in his popularity over his career. He enjoyed brushes with the law and perhaps had a thing going on with organised crime, who knows?
Then there was all that understandable controversy about the nature of the Ratpack, and how diverse it really was...
Sinatra fought, and probably bought, his way back time and again, and you probably know that his perhaps most famous song, My Way, is the most requested song to be played at funeral services.
We chose My Way for my dad... And it actually made me smile for a moment as we went weeping into the Chapel. Something niggling in the back of my head reminds me that he had wanted Sinatra played, but just not My Way, but a long veil of white shrouds my memory sometimes, and sometimes that's a good thing!
We also chose this piece of music, I felt it was apt for describing another of life's journeys:
It's nice to go trav'ling...:
"It's quite the life to play gypsy
And roam as gypsies will roam
It's quite the life to play gypsy
But your heart starts singin' when your homeward wingin' across the foam
And the Hudson River
Makes you start to quiver
Like the latest flivver
That's simply drippin' with chrome
It's very nice to go trav'ling
But it's oh so nice to come home..."
My dad loved Sinatra, had grown up with Sinatra's music, the big bands and the Kings of Swing... from boyhood to manhood via a longish career in the Royal Air Force...
He would occasionally ring me, when I was dead busy at work, anxious to avoid interruption. And he would encourage me to listen to the swelling string sounds in the background on his CD player, as he jangled the neighbours one last time with Songs for Swinging Lovers... and swayed around the living room. Sometimes, the sun was over the yard-arm, VodkaMom, and he had imbibed a little light sherry; Oftentimes, he was just lost in the mood and the music and the magic...
A little factoid you might not know... My Way was actually written by the ill-fated French star, and Claude Francois, and came to Sinatra - or his arrangers - courtesy of a re-write by Paul Anka.
Now if 'Ol Blue Eyes had known that what he might have called, and I quote, '...those cheese-eating surrender ... " had written his famous ditty, he might have balked!
Then again, we might just have gotten (sorry Billy) one over on him for that!!!
Love and loss - We all experience it; It's all part of life's rich tapestry, non? As the saying, or the cliche goes!!!
This quotation reads, "You gotta love livin', cos dying is a pain in the ass!"
Courtesy of Mr Sinatra.
17 comments:
I'm glad you're feeling better today :)
I have a cousin-brother named David, too... and he lives in England :)
And 'My Way' was my dad's song. I cannot hear it without thinking of him. Thank you for making me think of it :)
XO
Moannie will be ooggling HER frankie, her hero..and merci beaucoup pour Cloclo, Mr MY WAY...Comme d'habitude..its great in French, better in fact l think...
l used to love claude francois et 'le telephone pleure'!!! Et Sheila, Joe Dassin, 'L'ete Indiene'.....but you didnt manage to mention johnny!! et bien tant pis!!
...and the monkees, david, Mick, Mike and peter!! ahh...what a day this has turned out to be...
I'm in heaven!!!
fhina, I enjoyed listening to Frank singing Summer Wind. Here, our kid, I was thinking of maybe dropping stinking billy and starting up anew under "A Man of Great Impotence". Whadjafink? x
Diane, more and more we discover our shared links and relativity, non?! I think My Way must be everybody's dad's favourite, and our memories of them keep them alive, I think, even if we still have to shed the odd tear, which is understandable... xox
Saz, I am ever pleased if I am keeping you and dear Moannie happy! Cloclo (Alexandrie, Alexandra - Ah, that mad dance of his - I will feature it some day!), was more my generation, spending time in France in the Seventies as I did; I did not 'get' M. Hallyday until recently tho', with his later-in-life acting and ageing, and beautiful rockstar looks! Sheila B was big then too, as well as Lady Night and Swiss Kiss from Patrick Juvet, Plastic Bertrand and Patrick Hernandez - Born To Be Alive - Scary, time-warp stuff, eh?! xxxoxxx
Billy, what a hoot! Would that be best as a tagline, under your name, do you think?
What about Suntan Sultan? It's sunny Seahouses, after all? xxx
Hang in there, new bloggy friend! Each day is a new day, and by the looks of your blog, you have a wonderful joie de vivre and much more yet to share! Your posts are so rich and full! Keep up the good work. I'll stop by soon.
So glad that your world looks better today.
My parent's were the age of most of my contemporaries grandparents and because of that I grew up listening to Frank Sinatra and not the Beach Boys or the Beatles. His music brings back a lot of memories.
I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better today. Let me repeat, I love how you tell a story. Really, you are so tricky and meandering, in the best way possible. You start one place and then take us someplace unexpected. I love that about you.
I'm glad you stayed away from google! Would only serve to make you more anxious and antsy. I have had to stop myself from googling on occasion too :-) Hang onto that positive outlook!
carma
Hi Fhina!!!
First i am so happy about something!!! On Sundays i do a word of the day and just this past Sunday i used the word niggle!!! I have never heard the word before, seriously!!! My therapist used it when we were talking and i thought she had made the word up so of course i run home to goggle it and YAY its a real word!!! So cool, you used it in your post today!!!!
Now your post freaking rocks!!! The entire thing from start to finish!!! I love that Sinatra song!!! Also that arrest photo of Frank is pretty awesome looking!!!
I am so glad your feeling better today!!! You can see the sun through the clouds and its shining brightly!!!
:O)
One has to love Sinatra :)
So glad that you are feeling more positive now. I share Frank love with you - I adore his live album with Count Basie, a love given to me by my dad as well (I've also blogged about my dad and his love for Frank).
x
Hello Fhina,
Although I did like some songs of the sixties, which ought to have been 'my era', I always preferred Frank, Dean, Shirley, Matt, Lanza (!), better stop now.
Glad you're smiling!
I am a bit behind due to others clogging up my internet and have just caught up with your recent posts. Sorry to hear you were so worried about the operation - but it entirely natural. It is something completely out of your control and experience. You sound more up beat today - I enjoyed the Frank, he had a lovely voice.
And tunnocks tea cakes!! Oh sweet memories...
OK, I need to know why some people are callin' you Fhina and why I don't know your real name?!
LMN: Welcome in new bloggy friend! Joie de vivre - Oh my! I do try not to be down, but sometimes the black dog is just lying there in the ditch, waiting to pounce! Come back around any time!
northstaralpacas: My days are always brightened by friends in the hallowed Alpaca world!
La Belette Rouge: I am brighter today, darling, and if that post caught me at a low ebb, then tant pis - Music, and blogging, are uplifting to the soul too, non (especially your absolutely fabulous bloglet)? And from whatever era - I love to listen to some of Benny Goodman's music and French stars of the 30's and 40's, such as Josephine Baker and Charles Trenet, for example...
You are kind about my intercenine ramblings...
Carma: I am hanging on to the affirmative, eliminating the negative, as I type, thank you for your thoughts!
Michelle: I am good for the occasional non-word too! I have said before that my boss has sometimes to go away and look something up, that he thinks I've just made up! I love to make him smile... Niggling is terrific, 'though!
Leatherdykeuk: Absolutely!
French Fancy: GJ hates Sinatra, but I've managed to convince him about Summer Wind - not least because it features in a Simpsons episode - D'Oh! I shall be over yours soon to search for your blog on Frankie and your dad!
Derrick: My dad would have been wholly with you on all those stars, and my late aunt Stella absolutely adored, and I mean adored, Mario Lanza - He was such a heartthrob!
Completely Alienne: Thank you for stopping by amidst the techie chaos! Glad you enjoyed the petit morceau of Ol' Blue Eyes! said... and Tunnock's tea cakes and wafers could unite the world, don't you imagine?! x
Wonderful post. But what caught my eye? Tunnock's tea cakes. The best thing since Munchmallows (for those who can remember them!).
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