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Sunday, 2 May 2010

Musings on a Crystal Ball..



I haven't forgotten you.

I've not gone away.

I've been dealing with some stuff. The waves that threaten to rock the boat. I've been in the grip of some squid-like tentacles of anxiousness...

This is my son's last year in school. He's finding it difficult to stick to his plans. Note, his plans, not ours... We're not pushy parents.

We try to support as best we can, but he is eighteen and no longer a child. My man-child.

And we know it's really hard, that you feel as if you can't go on. But sometimes going on is all we can do. The equilibrium tips. The seas roughen and then calm once more.

How do we explain that this too will pass... That even if he fails, it isn't the end. There are always options in life, n'est-ce pas?!

It's all too much at a young age... I even resorted to telling him the story of my second year in College, where I had a mini nervous breakdown in a German oral exam, when I found after eight years of learning I could no longer speak the language.

It was alien to me...

I shifted my plans; I dropped German then, to concentrate instead on English Literature and French. My life did not end, although it felt as if it might at the time...

Grizz found on Friday that he could no longer play the drums. He's been quite a performer since he was eleven... Performance anxiety gripped him during preparation running up to his exam day, It gripped us too, for the day, the week, this month.

...And this on top of the other wobbles of my life that you already know about, mes petits pois, which rumble on regardless, together with the fact that I've also had my own preparation for an end of year performance review with a new boss that I was uncertain of, to be honest...

And the fact that all of the political parties, one of which I will vote for next week, plan to decimate the hard-working public sector so that they may pay off our country's debts - To war, to oil and to the rich, the bankers...

So that's ok then...

Why need I to worry?

...And so we go on... We get by. We recover. We get a grip. We move on. The future we feared is already upon us, and it's all right. It's okay.

Bear with me, mes bloggas de vidas....

So what's next?



ArT bY ANn-JuliE AubReY onCE AgAin... GlorIOuS...

14 comments:

Pearl said...

What next indeed... Between the things in our control and the things that are not, there's never a dull moment.

Wishing you and your son the very best...

Pearl

Bee said...

I went to see a Ruby Wax show last night, hoping for something funny . . . and although she tried (and sometimes succeeded), the material was mostly about her nervous breakdown. Some black humour, but not funny, not really. She did a Q&A session afterwards, though, and I was very intrigued by how many women (I would say of a middle-ish middle age) had found it very meaningful and helpful.

Yes, we have to try to laugh . . . but there are so many things that just aren't funny. This is a sad, hard world at times. Good luck to you and yours.

ArtistUnplugged said...

I'm sorry that Grizz is struggling and therefore it adds to your struggles. Who knows what to say, no advice, maybe to point out like you did before that NOW you are going through your own struggles and that there will always be times of struggle, that it is okay if you fail at one thing.....can lead you to a better thing, it hurts but it really does make you stronger. I know at such a tender age it is hard for him. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, there is a higher power there, we never have to go it alone. Hope it gets better soon. Big hug, lots of them actually.

Helena Halme said...

Goodness, this post spoke to me.

Both my grown up babies are going through similar phases, it's so hard for young people. Expectations are high but the job market has collapsed on them. How to comfort them when we 'grown-ups' too are struggling with our chosen paths?

I want to fall back on something my mother always used to say to us girls, 'No-one died,' but then an old aunt, husband's godmother did. She was 89 but still we'll miss her.

Helena xx

Jan said...

Oh Fhina sweet - this too will pass.
Your life is almost a copy of mine - my baby boy has just got engaged and seems to have an okay life at the moment but a few years back we had complete angst as he fell out with DH , dropped out of school and rarely washed. Drugs weren't involved as we feared just normal hormones.Luckily he's always been able to talk to me and we sorted things out together - he did a college course in catering which he enjoyed and moved on .
Griz will sort things out and you must be there when he needs you - that's the most you can do even though it can be heart breaking just watching.
Your own problems are more difficult - I lost my dad a few years back and there was bad feeling over the funeral etc between me and mum. Can't say I'm over it but life goes on and you have to let things go.
Take care sweet ((((hugs))))

slommler said...

Sometimes we all get to that point where we just want to stop and get off!!!! We need a long long rest to sort things out. But life is like a merry go-round! It pushes forward...round and round. No one waits for you...all push ahead. Sigh!
He will sort his life out. Try not to gnash your teeth...it will sort itself out. Life goes round and round! Sometimes we get the ring!!
Love yourself and take lots of bubble baths with candles and rich lovely music. That always helps!
Hugs
SueAnn

French Fancy said...

Oh I do feel for poor Grizz. You think being older exam nerves wouldn't happen, but with my OU courses I really came unstuck for each of the exams. My course work marks were so high and then the overall mark was brought down by the poor showing I made - not just once but twice now. Thank goodness they are all over now and my remaining courses will be an end of course assessment instead.

sorry, didn't mean to make this about me. It was just to illustrate how this pressure can really affect us - despite knowing the stuff getting it out of our heads is very hard. Your poor boy, poor GJ and poor you. You've been through a lot, kid

x

Moannie said...

Sweet thing..it all gets too much sometimes, doesn't it? There are times when I think my head is going to explode with all the thoughts that zing around and around, never seeming to find a home. We are all having a bad time...seems like it cannot ever improve, what with the financial crisis, the sleeze effect, the PC. brigade who are making it impossible to speak one's mind and the looming election with no-one actually coming out and telling the truth. And I suppose we think that it is all flowing over the heads of the young, believing that they are into 'their things' when of course it is all going in. To them we have f....up their future, taken our fill and left them the dregs. They cannot see much hope, I think. But we Have been here before, and we have pulled ourselves up and started over. While there's life, there's hope that tomorrow will be better.
You must only look as far ahead as you can see, take each day one step at a time, placing your feet carefully so as not to slip. THIS WILL ALL PASS, I PROMISE.

Jewels said...

I think we're all in the anxiety boat with you. I've just put up my first post since sometime last year... we all fall down sometimes.

lakeviewer said...

Oh, it's been a while since we visited! I miss hearing about your life, as you are in the grips of things now. This too shall pass; though it will bruise a little and for a while.

Our boys all had difficulty at the end of high school, moving to the next stage. Our daughter, much later, a mid-career crisis of confidence that derailed her for a while.

Looking back, things work themselves out. We need to have confidence to move forward; and acceptance that as long as we are alive, we can bounce back. Yes!
Lovely reconnecting with you.

diney said...

I'm sure you will both find your way in good time. I wish I could make it all better for you.

Marilynne said...

Hardly anyone really knows what they want to study when they go to college. Tell him to go for the experiences. Tell him to take math until he's declared a major because he'll need that if he chooses something like engineering.

I think he just needs to step out there and try things (hopefully not the wrong things).

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A Woman Of No Importance said...

I know you are right!

Something I wrote earlier...

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