There's nowt as queer as folks...

This past week has been feckin' awful challenging in many respects.

Some twats enlightened people on my course decided they would play up during a presentation a fellow student, (who's also my good friend), and I were delivering about the treatment of depression.

She wrote a note to him saying she was stupid bored and wanted to go out for a skive smoke.   They smirked and giggled, passing notes...

I was watching the audience to gauge their reactions to what we were saying, but failed to notice them, but their behaviour was brought to my attention during a break by my friend, who had seen it all.  

In the cafe I tried to tackle him about his bad behaviour, when he came to sit next to me and bore me with tell me tales of his own abusive childhood again and again, ad nauseum.

When we returned to the class-room after the break, they chose to come back ten minutes later than everyone else.   The tutors tackled the group on this, without naming and shaming.

I was very sad hopping mad livid.

She asked me for a lift home afterwards.   This has been a pretty usual occurrence for us, as I take pity on her and we are travelling pretty much the same journey home...   No skin off my nose.   I could scarcely be civil to her all the way home.   I was furious and barely holding back my anger.

I know that, in the scheme of things, this whole episode amounts to little more than a hill of beans. 

I know that there are worse things happening in the world, even in our enchanted Blogworld, concerning those we love.

I know I should rise above it, not rise to their bait in a game of one-upmanship and competitiveness because they both are, of course, perfect and self-aware.   They are going to make shit great therapists with their attitudes!

I am angry with these people for how they behaved and treated me and my friend this week.   I am appalled at their lack of respect and childish collusion.

I think I am, in the very bottom of my heart, just sad...

On Saturday I attended a crochet workshop, to do something creative and have a little fun, rather than just work, work, work on my counselling course.

I had fun. 

In other news, some other shit also hit the fan also not so very nice things happened this week.

...I might take my new crochet hooks into college this week.

It turns out that I am so crapilola at crochet, that I might just find another use for them!

Famous last words...

These words from Amy's own sweet cupid's bow lips...



p.s. I am away, but I've left a few petits morceaux for you while I am gone - Hope that's okay with you?

Mwah!

Back to Black...

During my quiet time away from the Interwebs, I was rocked by two news items...

I mainly gain my news via the Internet, so I did miss it when I could not, but with 24 hour rolling television news stations, you're never too far away from a story. Or so it seems.

I was in tears at the news of the terribly early death of lovely little Amy Winehouse.

I know her story has been everywhere, but I could not let it pass without saying that I feel so strongly that she should not have died.

How can someone so young, so pretty, so talented, so bright, have burned out at such an early age?

I loved her music and felt she harkened back in some ways to a sweeter, more innocent era in some respects.

Unfortunately, the lure of drugs is never innocent. Or sweet.

Suffice it to say, she has left a little legacy of treasure.

I really feel for her loving and long-suffering parents and family. And Amy herself, who seemed to me like a little girl who was afraid to grow up, and who seemed not to be able to love herself enough.

Now sadly she never will...



The second story concerns our neighbours in Norway.

I mourn for your tragedy, my friends.

I am so sorry for your grave losses.

I mourn your country's lost innocence in some ways...

Life will never be quite the same again, I fear...

So much talent. So many beautiful and bright young things.

Lost to a right-wing madman.

I am so sorry for what path your lives must now run along, my friends.

Such treasure now stilled...

May you all find peace in time.

I wish this for you, along with love.

We live in complex and challenging times...

Well, it's Monday again and the start of a new working week.

Well, at least part of a working week for me.

I have an induction session today for my new job helping people to marry the loves of their lives...  

Well, hopefully they'll be the loves of each other's lives!

I'm not sure what the week will bring.   Are we ever?   But I'm okay with that.

I think...

What I've become more aware of recently during therapy, (which is a compulsory part of my training course to become a counsellor), is that now I've found a little job and got over that great big 'hump' I slumped through after losing my job at the whim of Government, as it were, it's probably time for me to actually deal with the sense of loss and my attachment to my last two jobs.

...And I really know that this means I am going to have to re-visit the loss and grief involved with both my parents' deaths and some of the resulting turmoil that ensued in my life.

...And this week, in our community which mainly gathers in the local basic pub, which also serves as Village Hall, Sports and Social Club and second home for many, a strong and vibrant man - a farmer long of this area, and five years younger than me, has been lost after a long battle with leukaemia...

I had thought he was in remission, not close to the end of his days - He was a strong man, lambing his flock at the end - We saw him with his new wife and an old friend the Sunday before he died - It had been a cold rainy day after a few days' of sunshine and the atmosphere in the pub was also grey.   It was odd, but my husband and I blamed it on the weather... 

Now, I am not so sure.   On Tuesday, he died of pneumonia, refusing to have his last jabs.

I am grieving for the loss of him, his presence in our community, and his vibrancy and strength;  I feel for his just-adult sons who have lost their rock and anchor;   He only got married a few weeks ago, and I know his new wife's loss is great and they had known one another since their schooldays; and I also feel the sadness of  the mother of his children too...

Such times put into perspective our comparatively smaller losses in life, do they not?

Grief is an incredibly complicated thingie, I believe.

So is joy...

I wish you great joy.

Conundrum...

I am setting up such a store of hope for myself,
And some sadness.

I hear myself make promises I cannot keep,
I know not why I say the words...

I think I am more self-aware these days,
The flow of years can help so much.

And yet, I find I cannot dare to voice,
Just what I really fear, and why?





Painting:   The Conundrum of Wrath - Artist:   Laurie McClave  HER WEBSITE